Friendly Ingredients

Natasha - Anaheim Hills, California

Having a friend you can count on is a good thing. In a fast paced world, keeping up with friendships can be a challenge. Like everything you must make time. Pick up the phone, call, ask how is life, is there anything I can do for you, listen, laugh, love. When I call my friends they will tell me . . . "You know, I was JUST thinking about you!!" My response is, "When you THINK about me, CALL me just like I'm CALLING you right now." 

In this post I'm giving you a few of my ingredients to a good friendship. Along with those ingredients I will sprinkle in pictures friends that have had an incredible impact on my life. Above is Natasha. She is full of energy, ideas, passion and love. Our recent conversations have contained LAUGHS, stories, current life NEWS, things going on in Wisconsin, things going on in California, her begging me to move away from Wisconsin, me telling her I love it here. Big smile. I love everything about you Nat!

Steph, Sara, Beth - Panera Bread - Appleton, WI

It's Thursday. I just got home from a draining yet fulfilling day at work and I am ready to do some relaxing! Cook some dinner. Make a pot of tea. No schedule. No have tos. I crash into my favorite green recliner and flip the foot rest up. Turn on the national news. Turn on the laptop to surf a bit. Deep breaths. Fall into relaxation mode. AHHH. Feels good. Then I hear my phone RRRIIIIIINNNNNNGGGG!!!! Looking at the caller ID I prejudge how this conversation will go. This person NEVER calls. I wonder what they NEED. Another ring. Do I answer? Thinking. GRRRR! I just got home! I don't want to sit on the phone for who knows how long! Another ring. I answer. What follows is sweet conversation. Am I really that selfish? Am I really that self centered? You Bet I am. Continue reading . . . 

Virginia & Diana - Appleton, WI

I am amazed at the amount of friends calling me for marriage and parenting advice. Me, the single girl. Me, the childless girl. The conversation will always start with the respectable. "Shellbuck, I just need you to tell me something funny to make me laugh! Tell me a story. I need to hear you laugh. Please!" I smile, guessing this friend is in a swirl of frustrations on the home front. So, I walk down memory lane with them for a bit. Calm them down. Make them step back from the ledge. LAUGH until our bellies hurt and our faces reflect a permanent smile. Then a pause in the conversation allows me to go in for the kill. "OK. Enough of the entertainment. Lay it on me. What is really going on? Work? Children? Marriage?" And I listen. And listen. Left hand begins to tingle with numbness. I switch the phone to my right ear. Still listening. Absorbing. One key here is SHUTTING YOUR MOUTH AND LISTENING. I stand with fingers curled in fists. Veins popping out of my neck declaring this - SHUT UP! ZIP YOUR LIPS! LISTEN! People normally do not want advice. They know the recipe. They know what to do and what not to do. They just need to verbalize. They just need to expel all the frustrations in their mind. All you need to do is listen. That's all. I am safe to talk to. I keep their secrets. They know I am a true friend. A friend that WILL - after listening - tell my friend it always takes two to tango. I know my friend on the other side of the telephone. Their vices. Their pros and cons. I call them out. You are being selfish and self centered. Stop focusing only on the children and your outside responsibilities as #1. Your priority is your spouse. If it's not, you will loose them. Period. The cycle of hurt in a relationship goes round and round and YOU have the opportunity to stop it. Don't expect immediate results. Your spouse is jaded with years of hurt. Let's start the process of repair and let that begin with you making a deliberate choice in the right direction. 

Momma & Me - March 2011 - At the TRI airport in Bristol just before I flew back to WI

I cherish every conversation with my parents more than gold. I hear my Momma's sweet southern voice on the phone. When my phone rings reflecting parents on the caller ID, I  answer without hesitation. I hear my Momma say, "Well hello Momma's baby. How are you precious? How is work?" The only call I will interrupt a conversation for is one from my parents. I too will call and EXPLODE frustrations through the phone to Momma & Daddy. My Daddy - in typical male form - will want to offer advice, a solution to the problem. My mom will cover the phone with her hand. Look at my dad and say, "Don Randall, she does not want advice. She is just venting. Let her talk! AND if at the end of her rant she ASKS what you think . . . THEN and only then you tell her your opinions." In March of this year I helped them move back to our home town of Clintwood, Virginia. My heart aches missing them. However, I know this place is best for them. There will come a day when I cannot call them or see them. They will be gone. But until that day I will love them, listen to them and seek their counsel.

Beth & Me - Appleton, Wisconsin

The Amazing Mark - College Avenue, Appleton, Wisconsin

Me, Brandi & Brandy - Coal Creek Canyon, Colorado

Carissa & Amber - Appleton, Wisconsin

Monik & Melanie - Cedar Rapids, Iowa

Colleen & Jeff - Virginia Beach, Virginia

Tanya & Me - Iron Mountain, Michigan

Carissa & Janelle - Appleton, Wisconsin

Me & Kim - Macon, Georgia

Mindy Jo - Cedar Rapids, Iowa

Maria & Baby Girl Riley - Coeburn, VA

Nicole - Phoenix, Arizona

Joe & Craig - Green Bay, Wisconsin

Jill - Appleton, Wisconsin

Chad - Appleton, Wisconsin

David & Esther - Virginia Beach, Virginia

YOU have the amazing opportunity to influence another person for the good with your attentive ear and calming words. Step out of the box this week. Answer the phone when it rings. That person needs you. They miss you. Resolve to sacrifice for your friends. The phone will ring this week at a time that is most inconvenient for you with a friend on the other side full of anxiety needing your help. Listen. Encourage. Love. Answer the phone when it rings. And if you are the one having a hard time . . . give me a ring.

I will end with one of my favorite quotes for you to ponder this week.

Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present, and that takes practice, but we don't have to do anything else. We don't have to advise, or coach or sound wise. We just have to be willing to sit there and listen.

Margaret J. Wheatley